Whose Line is it Anyway?

I was recently binge watching the show 'Glee' on Netflix, and catch the episode where they pay tribute to a cast member that died during their 5th season. As two actors discussed their great loss, the student points out to the teacher that this line between the two dates on the plaque represents his whole life. It was the words that the teacher said in response that lingered with me.

She said, "What are you going to do with your line"?

It got me thinking about what am I doing with my line?

I have many titles in this line; daughter, sister, aunt, wife, friend, boss, donor, author, advocate and volunteer. However, I think that mom is my most important title.  My son has truly blessed me with so much; motherhood of a special child...

Has introduced me to new was of thinking

Has taken me to my deepest sorrow

Has brought me my greatest joy

Has taught me patience

Has given me the opportunity to support others

Has shown me I can do things I never thought possible

Has made me find gratitude in the simplest things

Has made me a teacher

Has taught me how to cook new foods

Has created a writer, presenter and advocate

Has taught me so much about how one human can love another

I'm proud of my line, and I have my son to thank for that.

I will finish this blog with the actor’s final words of the episode "Have a good line"

Pay Attention to the Fuel Gauge

Before we reach the age of 16 we know enough about cars to know that they require gasoline to run.  We all understand that after about 300 miles of driving (less if you are going uphill or sitting in traffic) you have to fill up the tank. The fact is the car, either Kia or Jaguar, needs something as simple as gas to keep it moving forward.

I’d like to apply that same logic to People. A person can go roughly 5 or 6 days with out refueling (less if your family has had a particularly full or challenging week).  Your week may have included; a change in the schedule at work, someone getting sick, an argument with your partner, or a difficult test that made the week more stressful.

However, rather than recognizing that your tank is running low, we tend to ignore the fuel gauge and keep going, sometimes even after the red light goes on. We would never ever think we could magically make the car go another 20 miles without gas, why do we then think that we don’t need to stop for refueling?

Ever find yourself running late for an appointment, only to jump in the car and realize you didn’t have enough gasoline to get you where you needed to go, and you now had to spend extra time and stop for gas? That is what we are doing by not paying attention to the fuel gauge.

This week I spent 2 hours with a glass of wine and a dear friend. We laughed, swapped stories of our children, and made future plans.  I got up from the patio table and felt significantly lighter in my mood, and while I walked to the car I noticed a larger smile on my face. I realized later on that evening, that there was a calm in my voice I hadn’t heard in a couple of days, I was able to tackle a task I had been procrastinating on, and I fell asleep with a clearer, calmer mind.  My tank had been filled.

What would happen if we begin to treat ourselves a bit better than the family car in the driveway? What would happen if we had real expectations for what we can and can’t ask of ourselves? What if we gave ourselves the permission to refuel on a regular basis? 


What fills your tank??

Better Living thru Chemicals?

Better Living thru chemicals?

My 80 something year old mom thinks that all issues can be solved with a pill.  Got a problem, visit a Doctor and get a new prescription.  There is generally not one magic pill to fix all that ails you.  Some medication options are experimental, some are happy side effects from other diagnosis, and some are… well, not legal in all states.

Me, I believe in a multi-faceted approach to problem solving. Therapy, medication, and environmental changes and activities are all part of the process.  However, sometimes after years of trial and error, a new direction and medication is recommended. 

Six weeks ago we embarked on just that path. Being the eternal optimist, I am always open to hear about new and exciting treatment options and consider the possibility of what changes they could bring.  As I have done with all the prior recommendations, I opened my laptop and read many good and bad reviews, possible side effect and potential benefits. I must admit that this approach can be scary, as people who have had bad experiences are often the first to share or complain. After getting overwhelmed by the information, a leap of faith is often in order. So out of equal parts desperation and hope, we tried it.

I am, at this moment, ecstatic with the almost miraculous changes ½ of a teeny tiny pill can create. My son’s ability to stay calm in situations of frustration has been dramatic. His interest in his own success is exciting. His engagement in the world around him, and needs of others has altered significantly.  

Modern medicine continues to find solutions that the natural human body struggles to do itself. I continue in my hopeful belief that there is always the ability to improve oneself.

We are all a work in progress, and my job as mom continues to be helping my son be the best he can be!

Planet age v. REAL Age

Planet Age vs REAL Age

You are probably asking, "Planet age what is that?" Simply put Planet age is the day we arrived on the Planet. Someone born in 1995 would be Planet age 19.

But what age are they 19 really? To determine REAL age we must assess the age at which they are currently functioning. We need to look at behavior, social development, maturity, skill mastery, and emotional development. All those criteria go into determining REAL age. If we consider all these factors they may really only be 15. 

Why is this important? If we don't pay attention to our child's REAL age then we are not effectively meeting their needs. Their development level is where their learning can happen. If we are teaching to their PLANET age we can be setting them up for failure! Wasting time and potentially a lot of money. They are just not developmentally ready to handle that new task or experience.

How do we determine their real age? Take a closer look at your child's peers. What is it that they are doing, what skills have they mastered. Now go backwards, look at a child or teen a year or too younger, then a year or two younger. Based on what you see you can come up with a rough idea of their REAL age. All children develop at their own pace, but we can help build our children's self esteem if we are teaching to their REAL age.

This is not an exact number, but the question we need to ask is; if your child's planet age is 16 and his real age 12, is teaching them to drive a good idea.  I going to say not yet. What if your child is planet age 6, but real age is 3, are they ready for kindergarten, probably not. Spend time helping him or her master some of those pre K skills in a safe and one on one environment.

Understanding our child's real age, helps us set reachable goals, that will help them bridge the gap to their neuro typical peers.

WDW is super accommodating

 One never knows when they travel with someone who has special needs how the trip is going to go. For me I always try to visualize ahead, pack a virtual bag to be ready to prepare for dietary restrictions, as well as thinking up plans B and C, because plan A often fails. But on this recent trip to Walt Disney World, I didn't need to have any of those bags. Disney has figured out how to accommodate their guests, and help them to have the best vacation ever.

From the moment we landed in Orlando, Florida the Disney magic took over. They drove us to our resort, and later delivered my son's camera that he left on his seat on the bus. I drive every day, so the decision to stay on Disney property and have them transport us using their buses was easy. The next treat of Disney magic came after I asked the gal in the food court at our resort if they had anything gluten free for dessert. She said if the chef was in they could make us gluten free beignets. As my son and I savored our fabulous GF beignets (and got covered in powered sugar) we knew this was going to be the best vacation ever.

And Disney continued to accommodate us at every corner. At Hollywood studios, the ABC commissary manager came to speak to us made my son a burger with a gluten free bun and fries from a designated fryer. She even turned my chicken caesar into a salmon caesar (since I don't eat meat). At the Sci Fi Drive in we enjoyed dairy free milkshakes while we ate in the cool cars. The next day at EPCOT, we dined at Akershus  In Norway. The chef came out from the kitchen and offered to make my son rice pasta, to go with their fabulous Norwegian meatballs. At the Animal Kingdom they are testing a new allergy program and have a kiosk full of allergy free snacks for sale, and information about the various restaurants at the park and what they can make. My son chose a gluten free, dairy free pizza for lunch from Pizzafari. At the Magic Kingdom we dined with Pooh, Piglet and Tiger at the Crystal Palace. The chef came out and walked us thru the buffet, telling us what things were safe to enjoy and what items were not. He even sent out gluten free rolls and a cup of dairy free ice cream for dessert. 


I was beyond pleased at the lengths that Disney went to make sure we were well fed with healthy and safe food. When a kid can have gluten free Mickey Mouse waffles on vacation, it just doesn't get any better than that.

Struggling with Juggling

I must admit that when I wear one hat, I can be amazing. But most days I don’t have the luxury of wearing (or I dare say juggling) only one hat. I have my mom hat, my wife hat, my sister hat, my daughter hat and numerous friend hats (some days I even wear my sister in law and my aunty hat). Although it is nice to have so many hats to wear (or wonderful people in my life), it is a challenge for me to wear a few hats at the same time. Each one of those hats comes with a set of responsibilities, tasks and a level of understanding of the others persons needs.

When my family gets together, which often happens this time of year, I find myself juggling the needs of numerous people. My senior parents, my two sisters, my husband and my autistic son all require different things from me. Additionally, I have a different relationship with each person. That means I speak and act differently with each of them. For this reason when everyone is together I struggle to juggle what everyone needs. An example might be me (a vegetarian) cooking a gluten free, dairy free, kosher thanksgiving feast with two turkeys and all the fixings, in my home. Somewhere in the need to take care of everyone else, I forgot to take care of me. I spent the entire next day in bed, completely whipped out physically and emotionally.

So why am I blogging about my juggling act? Because I suspect that I am not the only mommy out there who juggles. My advice...try to remember that you are an integral part of the puzzle that makes your family work, and you can’t sacrifice your sanity and your health.

I will remind you and you remind me :) Happy Holidays

Facebook can make me sad

When I have a few moments in my day, I like to sign on to Facebook and get caught up with who is traveling, who is eating something yummy or  find out what book someone just finished.

Often times I get a post about someone's son or daughter.  Many post these days are about parent trips to see their children in college. Although I am happy to read the places they are traveling to, the awards they are receiving or the pride they are feeling. Sometimes it stirs up a little emotion. 

Much like the holiday cards that begin arriving in the mail after thanksgiving. People share only the most positive and wonderful news about their children. There is no mention of the stress, the meltdown or the argument that occurred earlier that day. As much as I understand that it is not really socially acceptable to whine on Facebook, and what I am reading is only the most wonderful news they have to share.  Still I get little green twinges of disappointment. I wish I could be traveling to a University out of sate to visit my independent child in their new life. I wish I was sharing those exciting stories as well. 


And it is at those moments that I feel a sense of disappointment creeping in, that I must reframe. I think it in only human to have emotion, however, it is what we do with those feelings that defines us. I refocus my thoughts on all of the blessings I have in my house. The healthy and wonderful young man I see in front of me. In many ways his accomplishments are greater than any awards. He has traveled a great distance to become the young man he is today!  He takes smaller steps forward than some of his peers, but they are forward steps and worthy of my pride. Reframing is a tool we can all use when things get us down.  When I reframe, I can see the whole picture and I am joyful to live in my world.