Occasionally there are
'happy accidents', like bumping into some you haven't seen in a very long time
at Disneyland. But more often than not 'accidents' are unfortunate incidents
that you rather wish would not have happened. They make us irritated, angry,
disappointed or worse.
We can't rid the world
of accidents, but what we can do is turn them into teachable moments. A
teachable moment is one that requires the "teacher" to offer
compassion instead of anger, and be calm rather than be frustrated with the
situation. A teachable moment allows the "teacher" the opportunity to
illustrate a life lesson that really can best be taught by experience.
So what do we do when
our child comes to us and says, "I'm sorry, it was an accident"? No
matter whether it was a window, a family heirloom, or a bumper, we must seize
the opportunity to help them learn from their mistake. With many people, and
that includes those on the autism spectrum, a life experience is often a much
better teacher than words alone.
I believe that the more
senses and emotions we use during an experience, the greater memory, impact and
effect it has on our future. If we experience something through sight, hearing,
and touch our understanding is deeper. So when we learn through an experience,
like an accident, the chances of us making the same mistake again are
significantly less. We call this learning from our mistakes.
What is the lesson to
be taught after an accident? Reviewing the moments prior to the event and considering
alternative options will help our children make different choices in the future.
Maybe we don't play baseball with our friend’s back to the kitchen window,
rather we practice a bit further away, or shift the direction that the ball is
headed. Maybe we don't play fetch with the dog in the living room; rather we
walk in to the backyard where everyone gets fresh air. Maybe we don't touch the
radio while driving, rather we pick a station and let it play until we are
parked. Hindsight is a great tool. What could we have done differently?
After an accident we “teachers”
have the incredible opportunity to offer not one but two lessons. The
first thing we teach is that there are options that can help reduce the risk of
an accident, and each requires a little prior planning. The second and equally
important lesson we teach is that accidents, or problems can be handled with
calm tones and clear heads. We are
not only teaching with our words but with our actions as well.
